Easy weekends are fun, comforting, relaxing and make you appreciate your companions that much more.

Thanks guys :)

It's been a John kinda day.

Easy and laid back, mostly, with a little mischief, cool, and a sweet end :)

It's been a John kinda day.

i needs hug. *burrows into pillows*

It's not the end of the year yet but here's my thanks for something I will remember for the rest of the year. A most illuminating breakfast I had that took place in a little hotel out of town.

It's roughly 630am on a work day and I'm whinging about Life and it being too late to dream.

So he said "BULLSHIT. Come to America and do it."

Thanks, John. Needed it : )

I think I need to go and be by myself for a while.. Then maybe I'll learn to be ok with it.

An olfactory seduction at midnight.

Just started my first batch of cold brewed coffee. I've most likely used the wrong type of coffee since it is quite finely ground but maaan.. that moment when the seal of that vacuum-packed coffee was breached - the hiss of air rushing in and the heady aroma of that coffee hits you - unbelievable. Inhaling that rich, intoxicating scent will send a shiver of anticipation down your spine like the thrill of the first brush of warm, dry fingers against the small of your back at a party.

I cannot wait.

Sometimes a big busy day can really help one feel the comfort of a few quiet hours before the party begins again. Having the house quiet coz everyone else is out having dinner, cool breeze from the open windows and My Morning Jacket on the playlist. It's almost perfect :)

Edit to the last post..

In light of recent events, I think it is abit unfair and even a little childish to say that he doesn't exist at all. He does. I have met him and laughed with him. He just does't exist in my reality now.

He's the kind of guy that would say
Hey baby let's get away let's go some where, huh?
Where I don't care
He's the kind of guy that will give you everything
And trust your heart, share all of your love, till death do you part

I want to be what he wants when he wants it, and whenever he needs it
And when he's lonesome and feelin' love starved
I'll be there to feed it
Lovin' him a little bit more each day
He turns me right on when I hear him say

(Hey baby let's get away, let's go somewhere far
(Baby can we?)
Where I don't care
I love to hear him say
(Hey baby let's get away, let's go somewhere far
(Baby can we?)
Well I don't care

I wanna be what he wants when he wants it
And whenever he needs it
When it comes to being feelin' loved starved I'll be there to please him
Lovin him a little bit more each day
It turns me right on when I hear him say

(Hey baby let's get away, let's go somewhere far)
(Baby can we?) Where, I don't care
I love to hear him say
(Hey baby let's get away, let's go somewhere far)
(Baby can we?) Where, I don´t care

(Day dreamin and I'm thinkin of you)

~Day dreaming - Corinne Bailey Rae

He's also the kind who doesn't exist.

Right. So. What more am I going to have to do?

Wait some more, or what?

Make a move, or what?

Tell me leh!

Dedicated to so many people

You showed me my tomorrow
Beside a box of matches
A welcome threatening stir

My hopes of being stolen
Might just ring true
Depends who you prefer

But if it’s true you’re gonna run away
Tell me where
I’ll meet you there

Am I snapping the excitement
If I pack away the laguther
And tell you how it feels

And does burden come to meet ya
If I’ve questions of the feature that runs on your dream wheel

The day after you stole my heart,
Everything i touched told me it would be better shared with you

And you're hiding in my soup
And the book reveals your face
And you're splashing in in the my eyelids
The concentration continually breaks

I did request the mark you cast
Didn’t heal as fast
I hear your vioce in silences
Will the teasing of the fire be followed by the thud?

And the jostling crowd
You’re not allowed to tell the truth
And the photobooth’s a liar
And the sharpened explanations
But theres no screaming reason to inquire
I’d like to poke them in their prying eyes with things they never see if it's smacked them in their temples

Fire and the Thud - Arctic Monkeys

Jetlag

Every night I await sleep elusive,

the warm breeze caresses my cheek

rolling thunder murmurs comfortingly

raindrops tap my shoulder left and right

then on my nose -

that cheeky one.

Daydreams-
A mind's wanderlust,
Floating by on the scent of watermelon flavoured gum

Drifting
Into
A life gone right

Mistakes not made
Leave no trail of regret.
Butterflies flit and skirts flounce

Sunlight streams in through the patio
And we lay by the fireplace

Daydreams..

Why do i hate you? Because you do this to me.

Knot comes loose

B.B.B.B. CAN’T YOU SEE THAT I’M SMILING??? CAN’T YOU SEE – THERE’S A PART OF ME THAT’S BRAND NEW???
USED TO BE – WAS A PART OF ME FELT LIKE HIDIN – BUT NOW IT COMES THRU!
DEEP IN MY HEART – THAT’S WHERE THE KNOT COMES LOOSE.
DEEP IN MY HEART – I WILL REMEMBER YOU.
ALL MY LOVELY LIFE I BEEN WAITIN – HOT HEELS ANTICIPATIN.
ANOTHER LOVE I FOUND NOT TO LET IT DOWN.
DEEP IN MY HEART – THAT’S WHERE THE KNOT COMES LOOSE.
DEEP IN MY HEART – I WILL REMEMBER YOU.


- My Morning Jacket

Nice song for late nights :)

settling dust

its 1am, everyone's still awake. i'm sitting here in the lobby, bright lights, with the ash tray on the table.

and there is silence as everyone plugs into their laptops, mine plays Sigur Ros.

i am heartbroken.

Of quiet dinners and beautiful company

My horoscope said to take a "day of wellness" today and so I did. Left the office a little earlier than usual and headed to Kaiho Sushi with Jenn for nice quite Japanese dinner. Apart from excellent sashimi and an all round delicious meal, the quiet conversation peppered with occasional sake tips from the chef was the perfect way to end the first part of the week and to wind down and prepare for the long hard days ahead. Company and good food - what more can one ask for?

Thanks babe. Hope you had a good night too :)

Dear Jasmine,

Thank you for letting be me and then helping me get over me. It isn't always easy. Actually, it's usually quite painful to have to be the only one having to hear the constant monologue of angst, regret, irrational euphoria that is inevitably followed by nasty bitching and bouts of self-pity that manifests in various forms of retail excess. 

It isn't anyone's fault. I decided to be what I am but you've always very generously taken the blame for the mess-ups and I am grateful for that. It must seem very troublesome to have to deal with the whining and more than once, it has landed you more problems than you had energy to fix. 

I guess I could say that I won't make things so difficult anymore but we know that's never going to work. Life will be Life, and it is only going to get tougher in the days ahead but I love you and we will get through this. I promise to live up the happy days more often than brood over the ones that aren't as nice.

 You're a good friend, babe. The best :) 

Sweet dreams, girl.

If only my social life was as hot as the bloody weather..

Update: and the next thing you know.. it rains. Bugger.

let's fall asleep and dream away
to a place on a beach in summer
with strawberries and cream in a basket
and iced tea in our hands

lets fly away into the sunset
we wont even stop at twillight
instead we carry on into the darkness
and leave everything behind

and when the sun rises again
we shake our heads and clear our thoughts
the fantasy of mere moments past
dissipate in the air

but come again, it will, the time,
when eyelids droop and hearts soar
our cares slip off like a silky night gown pooled at our feet
revealing the pearlescent essence of us

lift off on the wings of inspiration
beating in time with your heart
follow the winds that carry your deepest desires

let's pretend there are no limits
believe you can have all
and in that moment be happy. content.
just. be.

bones creak
pores leak
a trickling of energy

back aches
joints leaden
with a kind of dread

fingers tremble
feet stumble
the agony creeps up

age is a constant companion
enveloping my body in a blanket of lethargy
in the chilling Fall of Life

I close my eyes
and rest

stop.
breathe.
stop.

Righto.

I've given up on trying for a disciplined daily routine that starts at 9am in the morning and ends with an early night's rest. So I've got an appointment, I am not getting up any earlier than when Jon and Kate starts and when it's time to sleep, I will. And late night reading is gonna be quite fun these couple of nights. I've just picked up a copy of the Esquire, Cuisine and Wine and another very interestingly themed mag. We'll see how it goes.

Cheers to listening to your body!!

I've just finished reading The Time Travellers' Wife. So many things to think about, and so many feelings to .. well, feel.

First baby from the WMF family.. I was stupid enough to not take pics of the pots until I'd finished lunch.. but that's just me innit? haha..

It's a little bit unerving, this life that I lead. When all you see ahead of you is this nothingness.
It quite excites me sometimes, knowing that I have the freedom to pick up anything
that catches my fancy anytime without having to schedule it for 'when I'm free'. It is very liberating after 3 and a half years of putting Life on hold. It just gets a little scary to suddenly realise you have nothing to do.

Its 2009 and still nothing's changed with the outlook. But so what? I like my melons. Don't you?

a leaf out of jenn's blog - this is me

This was the year

This was the year that change would be made.
This was the year that I thought would be remarkable, that change would be made.
This was the year, after crappy 07, that I thought would be remarkable, that change would be made.
This was the year, that I had great plans for, after crappy 07, that I thought would be remarkable, that change would be made.

This was the year.

And now that year has gone, mostly, nothing's changed much. Feels like I've failed to stick to the plan but always at that moment, sticking to the plan felt like giving up spontanaeity or a great opportunity and I would have failed myself. So what am I supposed to do? To think? There just isn't an answer that won't change in two weeks. What do I feel in my bones and my gut other than the onset of rheumatism and hyperacidity? Have the last 5 years been for nothing?

Perhaps. Repressing the inner bitch - yes, what you've seen this 5 years is repressed. you have no idea what full blown bitchy is - has maybe gained me 2 more friends. Or retained the original 4, depending on how you choose to look at it. And now I'm told not to give diplomatic answers when I take the time to think about things objectively. Like - wtf. You cannot handle my honest, albeit mostly biased, opinion. It will send you flying off that little handle you cling on to so dearly and make me look like the devil which I am. Think you're tough enough? You're not.

But so what. Can I continue to 'be myself' and enjoy wallowing in cynicism for the rest of my isolated existence or do I stick with this pleasant, at times cursing out of frustration but otherwise plebian disposition? I don't even know if either would make me happy. And since when did I not know what makes me happy? And since when did I care what anybody else thought?

For those who feel it sometimes... or want to feel it..

I turn on the tap and run some water
Flick a little switch on the wall
I'm hoping you remember what I taught ya
I'm hoping you remember me at all

I'm strong, but I feel like a mouse when you're gone
Yes, and I'm weak, but I'll take on the world when you're here with me
With me
Can't you see you're in the wrong place,
Will you please face it and come home
When I think about your sweet face
I can't wait for you to come home
I can see you've got a real taste for that champagne
But it's all gone
So come home
The kettle's on

I've got a little something on my mind
To keep it to myself isn't really very kind
Pouring out my heart isn't usually my style
But you gave me an inch so I'm gonna take a mile,

You see
I'm strong, but I feel like a mouse when you're gone
Yes, and I'm weak, but I'll take on the world when you're here with me
With me
Can't you see you're in the wrong place,
Will you please face it and come home
When I think about your sweet face
I can't wait for you to come home
I can see you've got a real taste for that champagne
But it's all gone
So come home
The kettle's on

yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) yeah

Can't you see you're in the wrong place,
Will you please face it and come home
When I think about your sweet face
I can't wait for you to come home

- Kettle's On, The Feeling.

nowhere near. nowhere near at all.

These days....

People in love get fast and foolish
People in love get everything wrong
People in love get scared and stupid
People in love get everything wrong

At least they're not lonely
At least they're not lonely
Never Be Lonely

BBBBaby I think I'm going CCCCrazy
And why should I be sane without you

They tell me to fight it
But they can bloody well just try it
Ill never be the same without you

People in love get special treatment
People in love get everything wrong
People in love their hearts get eaten
People in love get everything wrong

At least they're not lonely
At least they're not lonely
Never Be Lonely

BBBBaby I think I'm going CCCCrazy
And why should I be sane without you

They tell me to fight it
But they can bloody well just try it
Ill never be the same without you

Never Be lonely

- never be lonely, twelve stops and home, The Feeling

i am drunk, smell the booze
and the puke that's on my shoes
i'm just glad they'er not the jimmy choos
there is nothing in my cupboard that can wake me from my slumber
except maybe be a bottle or two.

when i am drunk, i get crass
i pull jokes out from my ass
they get better from the second glass
if i want to be a singer i'll buy every one 3 tigers
and they'll think, when i sing, i'm the best!

i get drunk with my friends
there are no limits to the cans
just as long as we have the buck to spend
at the kopi tiam or pub, in a restaurant or a club
we get drunk, have so much fun, that's the plan!

Meeting Pauline

The prospect of a meeting with Pauline has always been met with mixed feelings on my part. It's alot like walking by a huge magnifying mirror - you're excited by the new things you'll find out about yourself and at the same time, terrified that you'll see too much. But perhaps a mirror isn't the most accurate comparison. Pauline is more like a super x-ray machine for your soul and every other part of you that comes with it. Imagine, it's been more than 8 months since we last met and the first thing she said to me was "You've changed. Something about you is different. Its not just or the way you look or your hair but the way you carry yourself. Have you g0ne thru something that's quite major?"

That just struck waaaaay too close to home. And that wasn't the end of it. We got round to talking about the DCCSE and the x-ray vision came on again.

"Is that your calling?"

Wah biang. It was really the one question, even more than "how did you decide to do it?", that I'd been struggling with and DID NOT want to want to answer. It's not as if I could anyway. Long story short, I was honest and said no. I'm still waiting for the calling but call-waiting adds to the bills, not pay them so it's an interim activity until, if ever, I get it.

Really, is this another one of the signs? Was this the lesson I've come back to learn? Is it really a sign if you have to decide what it means? What good is an arrow with two heads? It's so frustrating!!

Self Indulgence

Have you experienced, in your life, a moment of pure panic so intense that it is nauseating? Your stomach is churning as you look out the bus window and see the blinding headlights whizz by like all the opportunities you have had the luck to miss. You squint hard, but before you regain your vision you are caught by a debilitating migrane that paralyses your body and slowly begins to choke you as you struggle to breathe. You press your fist against your mouth and swallow at the faint taste of bile at the back of your throat and the beginnings of a familiar tremor courses through your body. You are desperate to reach for the bell but you have no idea where you are. Around you are only shadows of overgrown angsana trees with their gnarly branches reaching for you. As if things couldn't be worse, you see that you had made the disastrous decision to take the first available seat on the bus - the seat in the reverse directi0n. The seat from where you cannot see where you are headed. A barrage of irrational self-doubts exploded in your head - What if the bus that you boarded was not the one that you saw driving into the bus bay? What if the route of the bus has changed since you last took it? Why didn't you double check the bus number before you left the office why didn't you double check the bus number when you boarded? Why didn't-

And your free fall into self-recrimination slams unceremoniously into what is known as the rock bottom of your self-esteem. Behind your tightly shut eyelids you see the face of the passengers on the bus. Faces that you remember so clearly because you had decided to take the seat in the reverse direction - facing the back of the bus. Now every-fucking-one from that sneering brat in the school uniform to the leery old man to the smirking fash-vic duo has witnessed your shameless breakdown in all its pitiful glory. There is no redemption. Your only hope, is a quick - no, instantaneous - death.

WOOO!!! it was a good night except for maybe Kazakhstan. But they played well. Any my back is broke! haha.. feels like it anyway, after moving both my 2 mattresses and wardrobe around within the miniscule space of my bedroom and now I eagerly await my new shelf!! hee I would give myself a huge pat on the back if not for the fact that it feels broke and the arms arent terribly flexible either.

So the room looks like a disaster site, parents are rooting thru the trash that they insist I throw out then claim that I'm wasteful, back is shattered, Chef course has been postponed and I'm taking the brief for an event that'll hopefully come thru and take me to the middle east.

I am strangely excited by Life.

I'm Baaaaaack!!

Hmm.. just realised that a loose 'r' in my title can change things. Maybe it can be McCain's next campaign slogan : I'm Baaaack, Baaaraaaack!

*Disclaimer:I have no idea what I'm talking about when it comes to the elections and all opinions expressed are ignorant.

EHHH-NIE-WHEYS......

F1 Fever has struck!! Yes! I am an official F1 Groupie. Went to Millenia to catch Nico Rosberg giving away some prize to some dude. He really looked like a princess, no kidding. But he was nice about stopping for autographs and pictures. I think he looked quite bummed that the crowd was so thin.. what were the organisers thinking, really? There were less than 20 people there and he was supposed to have been there for 2.5hrs! *tupid *ing*poreans.

EHN-DEEHHN....

This here groupie played hide-and-seek with the security dudes around the GP Circuit, climbing barriers and all that and took alot of pictures that don't make sense and alot more other pictures that all you living overseas or Singaporeans who can't be arsed to make the trip down can download and claim as pics you took while you were here. All you need is a picture of you standing against a white background. Photoshop rocks.

*Note for users: Please make sure that the outfit you are wearing in the above photos are what you's wear when you go out. Translucent and holey wifebeaters with boxers are NOT suitable AT ALL. Do wear appropriate footwear.

Fine. If that's the way you want it, then that's the way it'll be. I'm not going to bother with the heartache anymore. You are dead to me.

Nada surf

In blizzard of '77
The cars were just lumps on the snow
And then later
Tripping in 7-11
The shelves were stretching out of control
On a plane ride
The more it shakes
The more i have to let go
Now the signals
Still getting all mixed up
We're always doing damage control
But in the middle of the night i worry
It's blurry even without light
I know i have got a negative edge
That's why i sharpen all the others a lot
It's like flowers or ladybugs
Pretty weeds or red beetles with dots
[chorus]
I miss you more than i knew
[repeat]

SATC

And like a lover you thought you've finally been able to let go of, these little desires return and sneakily creep up under your skin. And even as you are it coming, you are unable to stop its advent. And you wonder if you were ever right to let go . And if who you've decided to be is really who you want to be.

And oh, I'm into you and
Girl no one else would do
With every kiss and every hug
You make me fall in love
And now I know I can't be the only one
I bet there's hearts all over the world tonight
With the love of their life who feel
What I feel when I'm with you

~Chris Brown, With you.

Masque

Friday Night:

"You have a face that is hiding something. What are you hiding?"

"What's your story, Jasmine?"

I don't have one, I'm sorry.

Life

"Paper Boats"

Sit on a train, reading a book
Same damn planet every time i look
Try to relax and slow my heartbeat
Only works when i'm dead asleep
Been thinking and drinking all over the town
Must be gearing up for some kind of melt-down
All i am is a body floating down-wind
What's wrong?
Nothing
Are you sure nothing's wrong?
Yeah
But you're sad about something
Yeah
So tell me what
I don't know
I can't tell you
All i am is a body floating down-wind
As the express train passes the local
It moves by just like a paper boat
Although it weighs a million pounds
I swear it almost seems to float
And as we pass by each other
Our heads all full of bother
We can't look, we can't stop
We can't think, we can't stop
Because we're stuck in our own paths
And it's the way it always lasts
But i need something more from you

I am so angry with myself. I am so resentful of this place but I am still more angry at myself than anything. Angry that I let myself fall into the trap of thinking that this place is or could be more than the godforsaken prison that I'd tried so hard to leave. Angry that I'd wasted my time and my youth trying to give this place a chance that it never deserved. Angry that I'd simply avoided the bits I didn't like to lead this deceitful life and letting reality rear its ugly face to bite my ass so hard.

I am so angry with myself because I was the one who decided to put myself in this cesspool of mediocrity, dumbing down and false pretenses and now I have no means to undo it.

I hate this place. You all can go fuck your pathetic, average lives. I hope you are happy with yourselves.

Piss out.

There is an ache in my heart
I know not where it comes from
Well maybe I do, but don't tell me

There is a longing in my soul
I don't know what it wants
Well perhaps I see it, but haven't reached for it

When the clouds drift overhead
And the wind sings to me of a dream
A fantasy plays out in slivers of white to a backdrop of rich black velvet
The vision almost real enough to touch entices then shatters into mere shards
Leaving the anxious rustle of fronds to fill the emptiness

Another way to paradise

There's something to be said about the use of images of poor, destitute African children (I assume they're African because the videos are inevitably in black and white) in promotional material that help their cause. Without fail, I am moved to tears when I see these skinny, frail kids lying on the streets, with their distended stomachs almost bursting from hunger. I have seen them for as long as I can remember watching TV.

But today, while watching the video for Footprints in the Sand, the official video for Sports Relief, I was hit by totally different emotions. I was angry. Majorly Pissed Off.

Stop flinging these pathetic images at me because you producers or directors out there know that they'll pull at my heartstrings and therefore my purse strings. I am SICK of seeing these kids cry on camera, begging in front of the lens with their doeful eyes and slack, open mouths while some celebrity tells you to give generously.

The formula is deceptively simple, just like all the movies about dancing on the street have. You know what's coming, in fact you can hear what goes on during the shoot or in the editing suite: Celeb Producer to young editor:"This is how it works boyo, and never forget this. The more miserable and desolate the kids look before the Chorus the better. Up the volume of the chorus at least 60% for dramatic effect so that it sounds like whoever that singer is is trying to tell them something important. Then hit them with the really bad images where they all look like crap shit and quickly tone down and throw some happy faces. This'll make the suckers think "oh, look, I can be the one to bring them this joy with the pocket change lying around!" Don't worry about making them too happy coz the first bit will make anything look happy and we don't want the audience to think that the kids don't need help anymore. Got it, Son?"


I really have nothing against these kids and I have no doubt that their suffering is completely real and I am not setting out to belittle that. But I DETEST those who whip out these images like a miracle gun whenever they want something. Your cause is honorable but find another way to do this folks or one day the rest of the world will be so desensitised to images of abject poverty just like we are now to violence, and then what will you do? Search for even harsher images? Show child sex-workers at work? We've seen these images since time immemorial and if nothing has changed (evident from the same messages we're getting in the visuals), maybe it's time to do something different. Sure, we'll never finish giving compassion and aid to those in need and the poverty is an ongoing situation that cannot be easily resolved. There are always others - more - who need help. But please, I beseech you, find another way that we aren't sick of. We are in danger of being so turned off by poverty that we might be getting dangerously close to giving up. After all, I've seen these pictures for more than 20 years already and if nothing's changed, what more can I do? Maybe its beyond me and I'll just leave it to those who have much more money and resources than me. Oh look! Here's the video clip of the cowboy on A.I.! * click *

Tonight

A little tinge of brandy blush
A bit of happiness, a heady rush

The pretty brolly rests in my rum
Through my veins, a pleasure hums

The spot of cherry catches my eye
And round its stalk, a knot I tie

The breeze caresses my warmed up cheeks
The blush remains, on contented peaks

I'm really bad at this.. closing, letting go and moving on thing, aren't I? Be it a good book, anime or people. It just really really sucks. I hate it.

I absolutely HATE IT.

The "Get Real" episode

Ok.. I definitely need to get real about life.. what i want and whats never gonna happen. Reality check if you wanna call it that.. so here goes:

1) I am never gonna marry Sanzo or Hakkai (sorry Jenn, neither are you). They're not the marrying kind. Or alive kind, for that matter. But I love them anyway.

2) There is no one as perfect as Sanzo (sorry Jenn, Hakkai not so perfect).

At this point, I am already devastated. No more mojo already.

3) Being a Wuss is killing me. I need to get off that scardey ass and do what needs doing, bar fuck.

4) Rich men want pretty and docile wives. I am neither pretty nor docile and there are no rich men around. Marrying into money is not an option. NEVER WAS.

Life sucks boy.

And so it seems to have finally begun

The hard-hitting torrential downpours have begun. I imagine the heavy raindrops beating down on my skin, rivulets of coolness sliding over my scalp and flowing down my knobbly spine, easily dispelling the heat of an over-agitated body wrought with frustration. They feel like a thousand little hands beating away the grime, giving me a pat on the back and each impact releases a corresponding piece of my soul that was held back by caution and fear. Before long, I am bathed in a sense of freedom so profound that my heart cannot help but burst into a sweet song of hope, love and possibility.

Warning: its a damn long entry.

On 31st December 2007, I cast off the worst year I've had in a long time. Quite possibly, it was the worst I've had in my entire life. By the last month, I had reached depths of depression, self-doubt, failure and loneliness that I'd never thought was possible during my invincible early twenties. But that was last year, and at the stroke of midnight (or all three times we counted down to it, as it were) i felt a great cumulonimbus cloud of hopelessness lift off my pilates-tortured shoulders and it it's place, was my allotment of optimism for the whole of 2008. It felt amazing and I truly believe that 2008 will be a great year.

The ushering of the new year were fraught with so many 'signs' of things to come and what made me so hopeful of the goodness of '08 is that it wasn't perfect by any means. First, there were the false starts of the count down that saw the yachts releasing their flares (supposed to be done at midnight) before anyone started counting down! That obviously didn't take away any of the excitement of seeing each flare soar higher, further and in completely different directions from each other and I was heartened to notice that all burned just as brightly during their descend regardless of direction or height. I took it as a sign that I do not have to be better than anyone or go with the flow and I can be just as fulfilled doing what I believe in. Those who were with me in the past month would know exactly how great a comfort that is to me.

For a moment, everyone held their breath in an awesome silence and without warning, expelled that same reverent breath in a hushed oath as a runaway flare abruptly changed its upward trajectory and headed straight for the beach meters away from where we were. It really was quite a funny moment, punctuated by a lot of nervous tittering which then broke out into hearty laughter as more flares landed on the roof of the club house (where the party was) and on the boardwalk.

As the first of the flares began their slow descent, the party at the club house finally got down to their countdown and at the stroke of the second midnight, we were surprised by a fireworks display that lit the sky right in front of us in washes of festive green, red, purple and gold. It took my breath away and all in all, the celebrations were enough to assure me that 2008 would be an inspired year. Amusing at times but always pleasantly surprising. Perfect. But that was not all. In fact, I was just about to given my first (of many, I hope) gifts of the New Year.

When the excitement died down and most of the other groups had left, I noticed the scene in front of us. An elderly lady sat on the bench and next to her was a young boy who looked to be her grandson, sitting on the ground with his back against the bench. On the other side of the boy was a woman who looked like she was in her late 20s or early 30s. In my mind, she was the mother and daughter. They remained inconspicuous throughout the entire fire and flare episode but the now quiet night seemed to throw them in to a sharp and stark focus. Despite having already settled in before we arrive and, eventually, staying after we left, they did not have the picnic clutter that everyone else brought along. From what I could see, they sat on the bare ground while the only F&B was a can of coke and a packet of chips. It would be presumptuous for me to explain their situation so I'll just offer up the scenario that I saw and the powerful resolution I made because of it.

Some of you might have seen them as an incomplete (not dysfunctional) family with little in the way of money. The sense of loneliness and material poorness (since it isn't poverty compared to some of the Third World) felt like an isolating force that kept them from having fun like the rest of us. Yet this did not make them destitute. They were not ostentatiously lamenting their plight (as would have been the case had they stayed home to be miserable). Instead, they made it a point to do what they could and got out there to celebrate in their own way.

It was then that I really could believe that I do not have to be wealthy to be able to live Life but what moved me more profoundly was that regardless of how low I might get in Life, I should still get out there and live it rather than try to hide away and begrudge the lousy hand I'd been dealt with. There is Life outside of my misery - a whole world of it, in fact.

Perhaps some might feel that at 23yrs and 11months old, it is too early for me to not be an ambitious bitch and I should not be thinking about being contented with anything that Life gave me, much less learning how to live with desolation but I disagree. I will always have my dreams and I will fight to realize them because they are what will fulfill me. What I learnt during that first precious hour of 2008 can only serve to give me strength to pursue my wayward and beautiful dreams because I now know how to deal with the worst that Life can throw at me.

So let me give thanks to the powers or fates that be, my family, my friends, and most of all to the dreadful year that was 2007, without which, I would appreciate and anticipate 2008 as much as I do now.

Bless y'all and have a great one!

Just as well that its 1203am now. Whatever was yesterday and before, I've been able to put down and leave it behind. Thanks, Tush. I didn't realise how much it was affecting me.

And at the same time, I've decided! haha. I'm quite excited about where I'm headed. BUT, to qualify this - relief, I guess - is that I have no idea how to get there yet. It'll come.. I'm just really really glad I've figured it out. Same as ever, it was a gut decision, made in spite of everything. I'll be able to sleep easier tonight =)

Finally:

1) I am Legend left me feeling like the aftermath of Crash

2) I wanna marry Yukio!!


Hehe.. It's time to start thinking about the resolutions... Come to think of it, I've not been excited about making resolutions for a loooooooooong time.

let fly

let loose and fly. Ditch your inhibitions and have the time of your life. Its a beautiful, exhilarating feeling that I can only indulge in when I know I'm safe.. So thank you guys, for watching my back and also for not killing me for conning you into this.. hehe..

I love you all!

With things like this.. who needs kiasu-ism or Singlish or even Anabelle to tarnish our reputation?

http://www.mda.gov.sg/wms.www/video.htm

WHAT IS THE CENSORSHIP BOARD DOING ALLOWING SUCH MOCKERY OF OUR COUNTRY TO BE ONLINE!!!!!

Thank you to the powers that be, I am eternally grateful for the friends I have. They are the bestest in the world.

Now next, you gotta send me the hot guys. Like soon can?

19 Nov

Sometimes I love it when Life proves me wrong and gives that bag of cynicism a good punch in the gut.

For a while now, I've learnt and accepted the fact that job satisfaction is like true love - Everyone longs for it, waxes lyrical about it, but few experience it at all, much less have a constant source of it.

This past weekend must have be\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

Edit on 20 Nov:

Ok so i fell asleep while writing the post. haha. here's the rest of it.

This past weekend must have been the longest I've worked in a long while. Friday was collation from 11pm til 5am. Then on Saturday night, after a lovely dinner with the ladies, went back to the event to see how things were. That was about 1230am on Sunday. From there, it was non-stop til Monday evening at 9pm. I can't count the hours correctly. haha.

Despite the hours and the stress, it felt really really good. The sense of camaraderie's something I really appreciate and unfortunately, haven't had the privilege of being part of for a long long time. Every morning after a night of no sleep was exciting, and I hardly felt tired until we slowed down. And this is the kind of satisfaction I need to get from my job. And this is the kind of dedication I want to give to my job.

So.

Is this the job? I still don't know. Mostly because I'm still quite stoned but there are many many other things to consider.

Well, I loved the weekend anyway. It was truly inspirational in more ways than one. And I envy the dedication and strength in the team, especially those who led the way and carried us on their awearied backs every step of the way.

Thank you.

Meditation.

I float on a lily pad.
It drifts over ripples in the stream. They tickle. I squirm.

I float on a lily pad.
It is still, on a mirror sea. The undercurrents roar in my ears. I sweat.

I float on a lily pad.
It flips. I panic and inhale, eyes snap open.

Sianz...

Take a deep breath.

... I float on a lily pad...

Meditation.

I float on a lily pad.
It drifts over ripples in the stream. They tickle. I squirm.

I float on a lily pad.
It is still on the mirror sea. The undercurrents roar in my ears. I sweat.

I float on a lily pad.
It flips. I panic and inhale, eyes snap open.

Sianz...

Take a deep breath.

... I float on a lily pad...

sentimentality gently coiled its tendrils

searching,

comforting,

reassuring,

inhibiting,

immobilizing.

Paralysis takes over.

And I am frozen with fear.

I tasted, was blown away and now I crash and burn.

Another souffle.

Damn.

Since when was wearing a t-shirt not lawful?

http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/singaporelocalnews/view/307126/1/.html

tribute

Some people are good for the heart, some for the mind, and others for the soul. It doesn't matter what you do with them or how much time you spend with them, they're just good for you. We'll all do well to keep them close.

thank you =)

Some people are good for the heart, some for the mind, and others for the soul. It doesn't matter what you do with them, they're just good for you.

Action - Reaction

"What the gay community does in private is their private space," said Mr Tan, an executive director of a not-for-profit organisation. - Quote from the CNA website

And I totally agree with you, Mr Tan. Which is why the law of a country should keep out of this private space. Your views, Mr Tan and that of "The Majority" as you call yourself, should not be imposed on the parts of other people's private lives that clearly do not concern you. There is no "silent majority" that supports you. If they are silent, that means they are not concerned enough to support anyone. You cannot lay claim on an indifferent population.

Indifference is NOT support.

Doesn't anyone in this country get that?

Notes to self from some time ago..

29 Aug 07

dreams, complete opposite faces of the same coin. Scares you to hell. In the same breath a peek into happy endings of beautiful possibilities and a backhanded slap of a reminder of all that is you that destroys.

16 Oct 07

I love us. The way we laugh together, joke together; find our way through the implicit, ignore the blatantly obvious. In however far we've come, there is further to go and wherever we end up, we will always have what we've had and more.

A Rainy night 07
a flame tree, stoic in the night
breeze

unyielding in the hurricane of passion, bent over backwards

a flame tree, stoic in the night
breeze

12 Oct 07
l am a mean person. Feeling happy for the heroine who gets the hottie is beyond me.

15 Oct 07
it is only on days when the ocean is not enough that you discover the sky. And that vastness and the grace of its existence can only be uplifting.

17 Oct 07
I am a slave to my history. For every moment of triumph, there is a daunting, haunting expectation looming in my future. I am torn between fulfilling my future and fulfilling me.

Chance, and hope

A drink for one is never fun
A sip deadens the pain
She's sick of games and learning names
She puts her black book away
She scans the place for a friendly face
Suddenly everything has changed
He took a chance on romance without knowing her name

So he moved in on a whim
And now her house is their home
She forgets the days of the drunken haze
And waiting by the phone
They lie in bed with nothing said
As she gently falls asleep
He thinks about how life would be if they didn't meet

The doctor and the DJ took it all in stride
I hope she knows that she'll make a beautiful bride

It's funny how life can change at the drop of a dime
All it takes is a little faith that everything is fine
So I raise my glass to better times
I'm glad that I didn't miss my chance to see and end to misery

The doctor and the DJ took it all in stride
I hope she knows that she'll make a beautiful bride

Doctor and the DJ - Her Space Holiday

I get it - It will never happen. Then why can't i get over it?!?!

La Petite Mort

Drizzle a tiny stream of hot chocolate over a perfectly risen souffle.

Pierce through the delicate, spongy exterior to excavate a teaspoonful and bring it towards your mouth.

Prepare for the caress of warm, caramel flavoured comfort as the impossibly light custard fills the cavity of your mouth, followed by an almost orgasmic rush of adrenaline as the hotter flow of pure, exhilarating chocolate rolls over your tongue and makes your toes curl and fills you with a desperate need to groan with the waves of pleasure hitting you over and over again. A buzz flows though your veins and you body clenches as sensations build towards a climax but just moments before you release a screamed prayer, an icy mint flavour cuts in to cool off the hot and painful pleasure, slowing down your pounding heart, relief washes over entire body.

The After Eight Souffle by The Chocolate Factory. I could only bear 2 spoonfuls.

Dear God, you have my infinite gratitude for creating the genius and inspiration for such a divine creation.

The L Word

Ok I really need to think more before I can properly write a review but in a nugget, its a soap with proper acting. it does get a little trashy sometimes but it at least feels very real. Not sure if it really is life-like and maybe not everyone will get the political and social messages without some prompting but it is definitely a good watch!

and shane is so hot!! i am so in love!!

*swoon&sigh*

An ideal death

Ready.

Set.

Ok, let's go.

boo needs a Buy-a-Macbook fund... *tear* says:
shit.. i hate to say this
boo needs a Buy-a-Macbook fund... *tear* says:
but losing my laptop feels a helluvalot like breaking up.
-tush- says:
whyyyy
boo needs a Buy-a-Macbook fund... *tear* says:
heart pain and i'm missing it already!
boo needs a Buy-a-Macbook fund... *tear* says:
i feel like crying!
.
.
.
boo needs a Buy-a-Macbook fund... *tear* says:
i think this is like.. fear of losing it
boo needs a Buy-a-Macbook fund... *tear* says:
this is the " oh god is he going to dump me" part

Hello y'all!!

I never expected to say this at this age but these past couple of days, I've been insanely contented. haha.. Being in Canberra, and more because of staying with Tush and Sharon, I've found a lifestyle that's come as close to my ideal as ever. Reading by the lake, (cold spray and pigeon terrorists included), having coffee and meals at places that are unique and appreciated for their individual decor, atmosphere and flavours like Jones the grocer, the turkish place, Koko Black, and the best, only because I've missed it so much - Nando's! haha..

Most of all, dinners at home and each other's homes. I love the company who have been so readily accepting of meeting new people and being inclusive during conversations.

And as natural as it is to Tush and co, (hehe) it isn't something that is on the spur of the moment. Hosts plan a week ahead and so do guests, and they won't cancel at the last minute because their tired. You might argue that they don't have the work load we do but it doesn't mean we can break our own word right? So to all whom I've done this to - my sincerest apologies. I will not do it again. And I will of course, endeavour to cook and treat you to something vaguely edible, with lots of wine at mine's.

It really isn't the lifestyle in Singapore but since when have I made that my benchmark, right? So at this moment I'm quite determined to live as I feel I should. That means deciding when I will cook and make time to get grocceries and go home early. That means I will plan what to do during the weekends, even if it is to go to the beach to read, so that I will be able to do it, and then I can start liking my life again.

As a matter of course, the same goes to work as well - phew..

Righto.. here’s post 1 of the HOLIDAY!!!

Haha..

They day didn’t start too wonderfully with a load of stuff to do.. but thankfully we had a meeting that ended early so I didn’t have to worry about missing my flight.. thank goodness!

Dinner with Popeyes was nice, with Ridz and there after… was the flight! One of the more interesting flights, I must say. I was seated between 2 guys – on the left was a nice cute Italian who didn’t speak much English and was really into his PSP. Haha.. and on the right was a Bulgarian fellow who was reading – guess what? Chaucer! Haha.. a Bulgarian translation of Chaucer, beat that! We started talking about it and he’s apparently read Tolstoy, and other European authors. When was the last time you met someone who’s not a teacher or student and reading such literature for leisure? Even though he wasn’t fluent in English, we had a lovely conversation about tone and nuances that are lost in the translation process.. nothing really academic but it was totally fun! Haha.. and the best part – He’s a truck driver living in Sydney. I love the world outside Singapore!!!

So now I’m at the airport, 8am Sydney time and waiting for the coach into Canberra. I managed to park myself right next to a power socket – yippee!! Unfortunately, wireless internet costs A$14.50 an hour so you’re getting a delayed post here…

But back to Sydney.. half the people here are asian.. I’m glad I decided to head for Canberra instead.. haha.. but it also means that the people, in general, look twice better than Singapore. Obviously it’s not that all non-asians look good but they just seem to carry themselves with this confidence, regardless of whether they are the “common folk” or musicians or snowboarders that they are so much more attractive than the Asians who seem lost in their environment. Even when they’re in the majority back in Singapore.. sad isn’t it?

I hope I can find the iRiver Clix here.

Oh, and I LOVE THE COLD!!!!

Dinner was wonderful!

Whoppa!!!! I'm off!!! off!!! off!!!!

Yeeeeeoweeeee!!!

hahahhahahahhaha

Love you all!

Remembering old loves .. and John Mayer *smile*

Back to you
It always comes around
Back to you
I tried to forget you
I tried to stay away
But it's too late

Over you
I'm never over
Over you
Something about you
It's just the way you move
The way you move me

I'm so good at forgetting
And I quit ever game I play
But forgive me, love
I can't turn and walk away

Back to you
It always comes around
Back to you
I walk with your shadow
I'm sleeping in my bed
With your silhouette

should have smiled in that picture
If it's the last that I'll see of you
It's the least that you
Could not do

Leave the light on
I'll never give up on you
Leave the light on
For me too

Back to me
I know that it comes
Back to me
Doesn't it scare you
Your will is not as strong
As it used to be

Life's precious moments..

"High"nanese Chicken Rice...

haha.. thanks guys!

“Once we get to the end of this song, then it will begin again.” So you said in our bed. I was watching light slip through blinds to find your skin. “So take your medicine and I won’t ask where you’ve been. Live your lost weekend, I know you’ve wanted it. Get big, little kid. And I can't say why each day doesn’t quite fit the space we saved for it.” But if that space now demands that you throw up both your hands and call it quits... “Take your midnight trip. I know you’ve dreamed of it. Walk your sunset strip, because I think you’ve needed it to get big, little kid. But just remember that our love only got this good because of the younger days that you'd like to outstrip. So drink your cup down to the dregs and leave that club on shaking legs with another guy, but remember: I'm not him. Take your medicine and I won=t ask where you’ve been. Live your lost weekend, I know you’ve wanted it. Get big, little kid. And once we get to the end of this song, then another will begin.”

Coffee in Love.jpg

It's been a while since I've been so moved by a picture. One I can hardly bear to look at for more than a second.

Here's the definition of "bittersweet"

haha.. and yes, I envy them.

Thanks Jenn, and cuppacoffeelovers.com

Urges

Had the urge to write today. Too bad I couldn't find anyone to write to who wouldn't feel that its weird or to find it such a novelty that it becomes more interesting that what I had to say. Sad, isn't it that you can't share a thought through words and "delayed" communication anymore. Everything is instant and while that's exciting, it is also completely transient. There one moment, and lost the next. It's impossible to share it with anyone else other than whoever is online and interested. And it makes any experience completely shallow because that's all it is, a reaction to stimulation. Completely thoughtless and meaningless.

How is it that I have completely lost the skills for meaningful expression? How is it that in this day of technological wonders in communication, we have nothing of worth to communicate? When we are so precise with each calculation, we have all encompassing words that are "multi-functional" so you never really know the intensity of emotions and magnitude of thoughts.

And so here we are, with words that are meant to only be taken at face value because no one takes the time to think any deeper than the page it's written on. So perhaps it is a vicious cycle we save time by reading only for the essential, and help others by writing only the gist, and layer by layer we summarise the points, make everything concise so that it says only what it has to say to convey a fact that can be picked up at a glance.

So no one looks. And most certainly, no one sees.

dedicated to the girls

What gives, what helps
The Intuition
I'll know, I'll know
(Oh) I won't have to be shown
The way home
And it's not about a boy
Although, although

They can lead you
Hide or reveal too

A destination known
Only by the one
Whose fate is overgrown
Piecemeal could break your home
And have
A love is not complete
With only heat

They can tease you
Break or complete you

And in came a heatwave
A merciful save

You choose, you chose
Poetry over prose

A map is more unreal
(Oh) Than where you've been
Or how you feel
And it's impossible to tell
How important something was
And what you might have missed out on
And how it might have changed it all

Did I, did I miss out on you?


Intuition- Feist

A wish for Love.

What i miss most, is sharing life's tiny pleasures

- in a thought-

in a happy, dancey dinner =)

a compelling movie

Flowers in the sun =)

scintillating music.

I still love you. But we're ok. There will be something more that is truer to us and more beautiful than we can ever imagine. Then we will each create a philosophy, feast, epic, eden and kick ass rock concert for the world. And as we stand on that stage, each suddenly alive and each complete, we will remember,

the thoughts
the dinners
the movies
the flowers in the sun
Bangkok Rock

*grin*

Loneliness, don't come around here
I've boarded up all the doors
There's nothing to give no more

A visit to my happy place
On a sunny afternoon.

It was warm and cold,
and crisp and mellow

Hundred brown bottles, standing on the wall
and two brown bottles, accidentally fell.

And so we were there.
And so I was there.

On a visit to my happy place
On a sunny afternoon.

a flame tree

a flame tree, stoic in the night
breeze

unyielding in the hurricane of passion, bent over backwards

a flame tree, stoic in the night
breeze

Event idea of the Year!!

-tush- says:
are we planning something fun?
boo~ i still don't says:
singles night out where if you're single, you're single, and if your not single, you pretend
boo~ i still don't says:
and we go out, flirt like mad and realise no one is interested so the pretend singles go back and are comforted that they have a partner and the single singles are motivated to look harder for rich me

Boys and Girls who are interested, please leave your name and if this ever happens, we'll send you an invite!!

Falling in love is so hard on the knees

Whoever's whining about this should try breaking up.

i think its finally time to move on.

ok.i will stop. it's taking more of me than i care to give it so i will stop. i refuse to be an afterthought.

Hmm i was just reading through some opinions on the issues of decriminalising homosexuality in singapore.

Here's my take at 3am in the morning:

Really, why do you bother with a society that wants you only for your economic contribution and if you are just like them? Assuming their argument that decriminalising will cause straight people to become gay and just because people have and alternative lifestyle to choose from, everyone will ignore who they really are and jump on the bandwagon, what they are saying is that they don't trust themselves to do the "right thing" when they can choose not to. These are people who put their insecurities ahead of your basic rights as a human being. You won't tolerate friends who force you wear the same ugly clothes as them so that they wont look ugly, so why should you try so hard to convince these scared little people who obviously can't think straight?

Go and live the life you need to live. Dont waste it on little frogs in wells. It is quite a defeatist attitude and there are those for whom their family and friends mean alot to them so they will continue fighting. Good for you and I wish you luck but don't get your hopes up too high. There's no point feeling like a loser for failing to improve the lives of those who are quite happy stuck in the mud as they are.

is it time out already?

the social fabric today is made up of ironies.

The world wide web lets you reach out to people on the otherside of the world and disguise your true self from your friends.

Apartment blocks can house hundreds of people within 2 football fields for decades yet the concrete walls block out the screams coming from less than 3 feet away.

Literacy which put millions of words and ideas into our minds created a society that wants to communicate that wealth of knowledge in bullet points, in acronyms, and summaries.

And the very tools that lets one learn about other cultures allows one to disrespect another and do away with courtesies simply because one can ignore the other.

had 3 dreams last night.

1) nightmare
2) lovely salmon in Chinatown in NY
3) Robbie Williams.

someone remind me to tell the stories later

the first time we ever got a chance to be alone, we knew
it was wrong to do
guess that's why i was drawn to you
the 2nd time leads to the 3rd, the 5th, the 7th time
I feel so alive, it won't last but it's alright
fleeting joy and fading ecstasy
here it goes again, oh
sneaking fruit from the forbidden tree, the sweet taste of sin

and I'm doing it again
yes I'm doing it again
oh, I'm doing it again
I said it would end
but here it goes again

this time you told me you saw me at the same motel
you said you knew me well
I had that familiar smell
you asked me how am I ever gonna learn to put my trust in you
like you want me to, 'cause I know what you're prone to do
accusations fly like bullets do
here it goes again, oh
you know me, because you're doing it too
it's like it never ends, never ends

oh you're doing it again
yes you're doing it again
oh you're doing it again
you said it would end
but here it goes again, and again, and again

damn I love you, but this is crazy
I have to fight you almost daily
we break up so fast, then we


we make up so passionately
why can't we just trust each other
you can't hate me and be my lover
passion ends, the pain begins
I come back

and we're doing it again
yes we're doing it again
oh, we're doing it again
we said it would end
but here it goes again

each time you call me home in a sweet refrain
say that things have changed, take away the pain
and you flash back to the first time you put your spell on me
you enveloped me, you feel good as hell to me
one moment leads to another few
here we go again, oooh
leaving you is oh so hard to do
I just can't pretend, can't pretend

I keep doing it again
oh, I'm doing it again
yes I'm doing it again
I said it would end
oh, oh, oh, oh

oh I'm doing it again
I said it would end
oh, oh, oh, oh
oh, I'm doing it again
I said it would end
but here it goes, again

At this particular time, you are feeling that you are or were unjustly and undeservedly treated and/or betrayed in your hopes and dreams. You feel that everything is against you. But look on the bright side for you are, whether you believe it or not, a survivor.

You are a leader in every sense of the word. You know where you are going and you know what you need to do in order to get there. You exercise an inherent initiative in overcoming obstacles and difficulties. You either hold, or wish to achieve, a position of authority by means of which full control can be exerted over events.

It's the time of year that you are apt to become extremely restless and emotionally withdrawn. This is preventing you from becoming deeply involved with a person or persons within your sphere of influence. If you are willing to 'let go' and release your inhibitions you will find that a great deal of physical satisfaction will result, far more than perhaps you even believed you were capable of.

For some time now your hopes and expectations have been denied and because of this you are becoming withdrawn and introverted. Continual disappointment has manifested itself in you becoming both suspicious and restrained you have become withdrawn from others and have receded more and more into yourself. You seem to have lost your innate enthusiasm and imaginative nature, for fear that you may be carried away by it only to find that you are wasting your time. You are loath to trust people, as in the past your trust has been misplaced. You seem to be keeping yourself cautiously aloof from others. At this moment in time your attitude is to trust nobody - until they can prove themselves to you.

You are moody and depressed at this time but it will pass. All of your hopes and dreams seem to have gone astray and you are fearful of planning further for the future. Disappointment at the non fulfilment of your hopes and the fear that to formulate fresh goals will only lead to further setbacks have resulted in considerable anxiety and you try to escape from this by withdrawing into yourself. But that is not the answer. You have the power to succeed, believe in yourself... all is possible to him who believes.

check yourself out

save room for my love
save room for a moment to be with me
save room for my love save a little
save a little for me
won't you save a little
save a little for me

- JL

I had a dream.

In it i was happy.

We took a drive around.

I was lauging, and so were you.

Then it was time to go home.

But we didnt.

Then we did.

And I was sad.

Hello there,

I would like to demand to be a bratty bitch, please.

Like now would be absolutely lovely.

Thank you!

It is four a.m.

So who am I.

What do I want to be.

What am I in this world.

What am I looking for?

Lost.

clearer with beer

and so it is

and so it has to be

a bird in a gilded cage is a dead bird nonetheless.
Unkept promises of abandonment will not keep it alive.

please...

I need my squad of cheerleaders!! where are my monday cheerleaders?!?!