one minute.. and then the next

Sometimes i wonder if people in relationships have a tendency to want to divorce (this is such a bad word to use) their 'normal' life with their romantic relationships. I'm really basing my comments on hardly any experience and a couple of anecdotes around so this probably qualifies as another random brainwave.

For example, taking the length of a blog as a measure of how affected a person is by the topic, its not uncommon that 'love' as a topic usually has an entire entry dedicated to it while diary entry types cover a whole lot more issues. And these 'love' entries can take on a completely different tone, attitude, even personality from the other entries.

I guess its also the 'delayed telecast' effect of blogs where you only get very intense expressions and at such regular intervals that one seems to not relate with the other. guess what i'm trying to say that its very disturbing to read a jolly entry and then another which is one day apart yet completely depressing, morbid and pessimistic. but it is nice to see the dreary and tired suddenly become.. energised and.. glowing.

-smile-

Thanks for the assurance.. and apathy

You know, when one bares ones soul of insecurities, it would be politically incorrect but one would expect some form of reassurance that one is not that vulnerable and no one really thinks one is shallow and irrational. Generally. And honestly, a -grin- is not the least bit assuring at all. But thank you very much all the same.

Crap aside,the past two weeks have been a rediscovery of current affairs for me. Quite ashamed to say that I was so out of it in the first place. I wonder if all those wishes I made about 'why can't i be a complete ditz and worry more about whether my nail polish matches my eyes?' are finally catching up with me. (Although to be quite frank, its more like 'whats for dinner?' right now) I guess the worst part about it is that it makes me feel so removed from the real issues of the world like race and gender discrimination, the alternative lifestyle, human rights, lack of education for children and poverty. stuff. What really scared me was how could so easily joke about dropping the A-Bomb on Africa as a form of population control. 'That's a sure way to eliminate Third World Debt' I remember saying. Goodness.. it must have been what...3 years at least, since I was cracking that kinda jokes. Horrible.

So what does that make me now huh? Am I still.. real? Have I become.... Singaporean?

My blog

Reading new blogs always makes me go back to mine and for the first time.. I wondered if my thoughtless ramblings would be too embarassing to show everyone.. haha. I don't think it's a matter of giving people too much insight to my life coz the entries are so cryptic that even I barely remember what they're about.

Guess I'm just wondering what kinda impression these ... entries (forgive me, i really couldn't find an adjective for them) give. haha...

Singapore Arts Festival 2005

Programme
Bang on a can all stars
Gumbo Jumbo
Aparition
Late Shows
Don’t let sleeping androids lie
Looking at the sky
Rock on
Drumming explosion
stroj
A regular one night stand
Skylight

If anyone's interested in attending the above performances with me, gimme a shout yeah? some are FOC and most of you would be able to get student prices for tix. more info at http://www.singaporeartsfest.com/

My PMS Song - Enjoy

So, i am here
i am now
tomorrow;s yet to be
yet to be the end
of today
in a bit

pms
pms
pms
pms
oo-ooh pms

ithink it ends here
starts there
into it

and then

aaaaaaaa X 3

Repeat chorus til mute

Its just one of the things you wanna say "Never" to

"Untitled"

I open my eyes
I try to see but I’m blinded by the white light
I can’t remember how
I can’t remember why
I’m lying here tonight

And I can’t stand the pain
And I can’t make it go away
No I can’t stand the pain

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody’s screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I’m slipping off the edge
I’m hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can’t explain what happened
And I can’t erase the things that I’ve done
No I can’t

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me - SP

blog2903

Ok.. who's saucy? I have NOTHING interesting or vaguely not-boring to announce to the world.. except that I have been having the runs for the better part of last week. keep going to the loo everytime i eat.. quite irritating since it is quite painful, tiring, and jolly squat comes out. Not even enough to result in any significant loss in weight.

and anonymous! maybe tigers and lions can rule the earth next? or rabbits! they'll get it done fast enough. I duno.. the world might need you even though the sods living in it dont know that? quite the self sacrifice to carry on living for their benefirt isnt it? Hmm.. would I be the Matyr kind? and should everyone who dont see a point in living just die? well.. its the case of 'some people see whats there and ask why, i see whats not there and ask why not'. So why should we live? why shouldnt we die?

duno. please dont take this blog as a reflection of anything more than caffeine overload. I'm really alright if notramblingandnotreallythinkingstraightorcoherently.

If no one in the world needs you.

And you are not essential to anything.

What is the point of living?

Bloggie died!

So my previous entry was wiped out before publishing.. nmind.. here are the essentials:

Max! Coffee sometime?

want becomes need when... you cannot tahan anymore... but you decide your own tahan limits right? so its up to you.. except when it comes to food

aaaand.. i'm not calling pple names!

Happy things

Sometimes, you find something that makes you insanely happy. Even the most inane, bimbotic, illogical stuff can make you grin like a silly idiot. Keep them around you. It helps. And I love them!

When I fall.

If I ever.. haha. gosh if I ever become a sap I'd kick my own ass to mars and back. A hard nosed bitch yeah.? He-ey!

U2 - Is this song for myself or you?

Tough, you think you`ve got the stuff
You`re telling me and anyone
You`re hard enough

You don`t have to put up a fight
You don`t have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don`t have to go it alone

And it`s you when I look in the mirror
And it`s you when I don`t pick up the phone
Sometimes you can`t make it on your own

We fight all the time
You and I... that`s alright
We`re the same soul
I don`t need... I don`t need to hear you say
That if we weren`t so alike
You`d like me a whole lot more

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don`t have to go it alone

And it`s you when I look in the mirror
And it`s you when I don`t pick up the phone
Sometimes you can`t make it on your own

I know that we don`t talk
I`m sick of it all
Can you hear me when I Sing,
you`re the reason I sing
You`re the reason why the opera is in me

Where are we now?
I`ve got to let you know
A house still doesn`t make a home
Don`t leave me here alone

And it`s you when I look in the mirror
And it`s you that makes it hard to let go
Sometimes you can`t make it on your own
Sometimes you can`t make it
The best you can do is to fake it
Sometimes you can`t make it on your own

boy/girl - brains?

Your Brain is 46.67% Female, 53.33% Male

I'd really like to meet whoever has a completely female/male brain.. Be interesting don't you think?

boy/girl - brains?

Your Brain is 46.67% Female, 53.33% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female You are both sensitive and savvy Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

What Gender Is Your Brain?

I'd like to know who has a completely girl/boy brain.. That'd be interesting don't you think?

NOTICE

ok in case anyone gets to thinking about my last entry. I was just listening to the punk version of the song and thought it was cute. heh

so it was it last night. heh.. guess i had a taste of how it was when i left for leeds... mildly though i think. hope. heh

But it was truly amazing, your talent and what you did for us. Bless ya!

Suggestive? I'd like to think of it as.. provocative..

Imagine me and you, I do
I think about you day and night
It's only right
To think about the girl you love
And hold her tightS
o happy together

If I should call you up
Invest a dime
And you say you belong to me
That you are mine
Imagine how the world would be
So very fine
So happy together

I can't see me loving nobody but you
For all my life
When you're with me
Baby the skies will be blue
For all my life

Me and you
And you and me
No matter how they toss the dice
It had to be
The only one for me is you
And you for me
So happy together

I can't see me loving nobody but you
For all my life
When you're with me
Baby the skies will be blue
For all my life

Me and you
And you and me
No matter how I toss the dice
It's hard to see
The only one for me is you
And you for me
So happy together

Ba ba ba ba...

Me and you
And you and me
No matter how they toss the dice
It had to be
The only one for me is you
And you for me

So happy together
So happy together
So happy together
How is the weather
Ba ba ba ba...

check out the punk versh.. so adorable! haha..

Anonymous

Thanks for the reassurance, needs are not worth living for. Hell, arent they what sustain you so that you can experience your wants?

But anyways, I've just gone through a full TWO hours of hot men frm Desperate Housewives and Vegas.. so I'm quite happy to put aside my discontentment with life and indulge in a little fantasy... If you can't have it, Imagine it.

Maybe thats why the powers that be gave us an imagination. Probably knew right from the start that we;re never gonna get what we want.. some get more, some less but never everything... so that's what the imagination is for!

Brilliant! So I'm off to practice getting what I'll never have!

Imagine..

Its a starry night, on a deck chair.

Maitai in hand, Candle.

Soft swish of waves.

Rio Moods.

Bliss.

so how

I want to go and be sexy.

I want to be wildly successful.

I want to more than just be.

I want to LIVE.

I want to lose myself. In music, in dance, in a passion.

I want I want I want.

One thing that told me I'd grown up was when I knew the difference between what I want and what I need. So what happens when I want something badly enough. Does it become a need?

I could live without a want. But is that really living?

Valentines day

Ah.. not much., worked, story of my life. Quite surprised that I bitched/moaned/whined ALOT less this year about this wonderfully commercial and saccharine day of the year. If they had that Romancing Festival going on I'd have killed myself.

Oh well. so much for bitching less.

I guess I could try to be positive about it all but you know what - I'm not gonna kid myself. I'd DEFINITELY wanna have someone to spend a nice, cuddly, diabetically sweet St. Vs with but if its not happening, its not happening. Better one thats empty than one thats full of false pretenses that generally fall apart quite quickly. With me in the mix, it'll end up quite ugly as well.

So there. I am sincerely, genuinely (what;s with this repeating thing going on??) happy for you guys out there who had a nice St. Vs *hugs you all* and while waiting for my turn, I shall go find out how these french women stay thin in spite of the wine and cheese.