Takeaways

If there's nothing else that I've learnt through this experience that are important, its these two things:

1 - there are many things that i do not want to know. Ignorance is bliss and denial rocks.

2 - i have not the strength to push for changes that are not wanted. there is no way to win against rationality and measured, balanced arguments that present both sides of the story in equal amounts. my reaction is destructive to too much.

so it will be as such. no more. this is the end.

no wonder singaporeans lead such a happy life.

I protest the hanging of drug traffickers.

Anger? Disappointment? Exasperation? I dont know what it is but i NEVER want to feel that way again. I hope it was for the sake of argument. Please dont say its something you believe in because it is not something I can live with.

It is not naievety. I refuse to believe that it is foolish idealism.

Drug Traffickers are NOT murderers.
They are not soley responsible for the social problems associated with drug consumption.
If you want to hang them, then its only fair to hang the consumers too. Why should they be given a second chance?
We should not condone drug trafficking but the punishment should be fair.

Capital punishment for drug trafficking is NOT FAIR.

This started off as a response to a comment...

hmm.. abit disappointed here.. if Dr Chee doesnt call for international support, who can he call on? Singaporeans? Opps, did i just hear a fart? the very fact of the matter is that Singaporeans are ok with the death penalty either because they dont give squat or because they think its never gonna happen to them. Thats why they can just suck up the propoganda about sovereignty (how many people really understand this word) and how its a deterrent? how many have read reports that prove this right or wrong? Not enough. there is no "WE" here. What is here are moral sluts who will adopt whatever set of values is most beneficial to them. Trafficking drugs is NOT the same as a murderer. drug addicts choose to take drugs, bomb blast victims dont choose to die. if drug pushers should be sentenced to death, so should teachers coz they rob us of the ability to think. and they dont even get you high.

Nguyen should not be pardoned. The Law should be changed. But it ain't never gonna be a Singaporean who does it.

7.22am

It was chilly, slow, refreshing, comforting. Like Leeds.

Pink Floyd

Wish You Were Here
So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,
blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail? A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

And did they get you trade your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees? Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change? And did you exchange
a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
running over the same old ground. What have we found?
The same old fears,
wish you were here.

'papa was a rollin stone.. wherever he laid his hat was home..'

saw my ideal apartment, cheesy romantic movie, comepletely lost control.

now.

stop.

what's real?

hmm.

Funny how i'm more upset with them losing than i'm happy with them winning.

No Kidding.

Jasmine, you're an Indulgent Eater

You, more than others, truly gain satisfaction from eating. And because of this, you sometimes have difficulty slowing down or just saying no. You enjoy eating and what's great about that is you understand how to appreciate certain aspects of food that others do not. You see food as more than just a source of nutrition or energy. For you, dining, or just plain eating, can be a really enjoyable experience. On the downside, however, you might sometimes indulge too much in the satisfaction you get from eating.

up

the wind, chillingly rouses.
thoughts slide, one to another
in the way of comfort

'if you are unable to fall asleep in 15 mins, get up and do something quiet.'

seeing as i'm not supposed to do anything bright coz it prevents sleeping, i'm gonna type this with my eyes closed. will edit typos at the end.

so. what do you do when you realise whats wrong. when for some reaon, it has finally sunk in. two things - you change, because that is what is expected. or you go on as before, because perhaps that is who you truly are. i mean.. you wouldn't have been that way for no reason right?

i know if someone told me that i should change because it makes things better and because it makes me better, instinctively, i would ask - but that isnt me is it? i am the way i am because thats the way i am. so why should i change? because it makes me better? why doesn't it fly with me then? too afraid to lose myself? but why? there never was a me anyway.

thats just me i guess. ornery me. cannot live happily. cannot agree with anything. rebel without a cause.

there's just no satisfying.

or maybe i'm just too scared to try to prove anything to anyone coz i'm too fucking scared that i'll end up proving to myself that i'll never make it. fear of failure. becaue i am the way i am and thats me. its never gonna change. now how do you fight that?

can

think

believe

do

make change