This was the year

This was the year that change would be made.
This was the year that I thought would be remarkable, that change would be made.
This was the year, after crappy 07, that I thought would be remarkable, that change would be made.
This was the year, that I had great plans for, after crappy 07, that I thought would be remarkable, that change would be made.

This was the year.

And now that year has gone, mostly, nothing's changed much. Feels like I've failed to stick to the plan but always at that moment, sticking to the plan felt like giving up spontanaeity or a great opportunity and I would have failed myself. So what am I supposed to do? To think? There just isn't an answer that won't change in two weeks. What do I feel in my bones and my gut other than the onset of rheumatism and hyperacidity? Have the last 5 years been for nothing?

Perhaps. Repressing the inner bitch - yes, what you've seen this 5 years is repressed. you have no idea what full blown bitchy is - has maybe gained me 2 more friends. Or retained the original 4, depending on how you choose to look at it. And now I'm told not to give diplomatic answers when I take the time to think about things objectively. Like - wtf. You cannot handle my honest, albeit mostly biased, opinion. It will send you flying off that little handle you cling on to so dearly and make me look like the devil which I am. Think you're tough enough? You're not.

But so what. Can I continue to 'be myself' and enjoy wallowing in cynicism for the rest of my isolated existence or do I stick with this pleasant, at times cursing out of frustration but otherwise plebian disposition? I don't even know if either would make me happy. And since when did I not know what makes me happy? And since when did I care what anybody else thought?

For those who feel it sometimes... or want to feel it..

I turn on the tap and run some water
Flick a little switch on the wall
I'm hoping you remember what I taught ya
I'm hoping you remember me at all

I'm strong, but I feel like a mouse when you're gone
Yes, and I'm weak, but I'll take on the world when you're here with me
With me
Can't you see you're in the wrong place,
Will you please face it and come home
When I think about your sweet face
I can't wait for you to come home
I can see you've got a real taste for that champagne
But it's all gone
So come home
The kettle's on

I've got a little something on my mind
To keep it to myself isn't really very kind
Pouring out my heart isn't usually my style
But you gave me an inch so I'm gonna take a mile,

You see
I'm strong, but I feel like a mouse when you're gone
Yes, and I'm weak, but I'll take on the world when you're here with me
With me
Can't you see you're in the wrong place,
Will you please face it and come home
When I think about your sweet face
I can't wait for you to come home
I can see you've got a real taste for that champagne
But it's all gone
So come home
The kettle's on

yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) yeah

Can't you see you're in the wrong place,
Will you please face it and come home
When I think about your sweet face
I can't wait for you to come home

- Kettle's On, The Feeling.

nowhere near. nowhere near at all.

These days....

People in love get fast and foolish
People in love get everything wrong
People in love get scared and stupid
People in love get everything wrong

At least they're not lonely
At least they're not lonely
Never Be Lonely

BBBBaby I think I'm going CCCCrazy
And why should I be sane without you

They tell me to fight it
But they can bloody well just try it
Ill never be the same without you

People in love get special treatment
People in love get everything wrong
People in love their hearts get eaten
People in love get everything wrong

At least they're not lonely
At least they're not lonely
Never Be Lonely

BBBBaby I think I'm going CCCCrazy
And why should I be sane without you

They tell me to fight it
But they can bloody well just try it
Ill never be the same without you

Never Be lonely

- never be lonely, twelve stops and home, The Feeling