Second thoughts

well well, guess what. Miss Gungho here is getting the jitters the day before. No more walking down hallways with books in arm with friends... no more talking nonsense in class.. no more just being passive. Do I really want to get going with work -Definitely yes.. but giving up being carefree? Can I still be carefree in this new life I've got?

Why is the grass always greener on the other side?

I don't want to lose it. I don't want to grow up! NOOOOOO!

Talk

Talk might be cheap... a real cheap way to get that morale boost that you need. Quite cool how a long conversation can be so uplifting (and it wasn't a pep talk). Maybe that's how i think.. to rationalise things out loud and to have a sounding board to work with. makes things clearer and, of course, provide constant reassurance that I'm right. heh.

Monumental

Monumental

Right.. so FINALLY, I've got some time to sit down and reflect. First and foremost on my mind is the monumental decision that I really should have seen coming. Even after all said and done, the doubts are still there.. coming back even more strongly, like someone's trying to tell me something or, as I'd like to see it, whoever it is wants to see if I can stick with what I've decided. So.. that's one of life's deciding moments for me. It'll go.

The closest thing....

To an affordable yuppy lifestyle - Living at Holland V. Haha.... I rather fancy fixing up some old flat in the area into my own den. Not that I know that place well at all but well.. to have a cold storage that closes at 11pm sounds pretty much like what I envisioned my late 20s to be.

I dont know... today was quite a day. Started work at 6, ended at 930 then dinner at 11 plus conversation and drinks... in today's case - teh-O-peng. Maybe I can soon add the 645am jogs in... Not quite as cool as a midnight workout at california or planet (i omit the second parts purposefully) but still works.

Wonder how long I can last like this.....

worse

This thing is getting bad.. EVERYTHING gets to me.. esp little things. And I HATE IT when i get blamed for the slow internet.. at least tell me when you disable my net... and stop fucking complaining about it.. Its not like I'm not letting you stop my using the net... just shut yer yap already. Day in Day out whine whine whine, pissing me off only.

I forgot

Hey hey hey....

I'm actually quite glad that I'd forgotten my blog username over the weekend.. I think its right up there with all the other times in my life that I've royally screwed up and it'd have made this blog a really unpleasant one.

On hindsight....

I should really stop indulging in my weird imagination.. tends to psych myself in a really bad way...

I neeeeed to start exercising. There haven't been many times that I've felt so completely crap about my body. It probably had alot to do with the bloating and its gone down considerably now.. but still.. now that I know how vulnerable and frustrated I can be when I don't like the way I look. I mean.. it's one thing to not think that I've got a perfect bod and it's another when I come so close to hating it. Perhaps I'm one step closer to understanding why some people anorexic.

So now.. back to work. Things are going well I guess.. works starting to come in and I just hope I can keep up the enthusiasm I've had so far. Nah.. I can.

Its refreshing and comforting to know when these little thoughts come from the most unexpected people who go beyond what they need to do to help you :) Really reminds you to not judge people too soon. Now i feel all warm and fuzzy inside!!

the job.. the life

wow..its been a really rewarding few days on the job! Got to take part in brainstorms and site work.... looking and the overall scope of the job, I have little doubt that I won't like it!! haha.. which is a good thing I guess. Nothing can be worse than getting  stuck in a job that you don't even like. For the most part, though, I think that getting more comfortable with my colleagues /really/ helped ALOT.  It's alot less awkward for me now and not so terrifying to ask things or start conversations.

On the down side... there is a lack of a Life. And to be honest, it's not coz of the job. It's more like my lifestyle now is so different from everyone I know, save Daphne *precious* so it's really hard to meet up or do the things they do e.g. going clubbing on wed nites til really late. Somehow, with the job, I feel the obligation to ensure I get enough rest to perform at work. I don't resent it though, it is something that /I/ want to do for myself and I will do it. I figure when everyone gets to that working stage then we'll be thinking in a more similar way and we'll be able to fit into each others' schedules better.

So... all in all.. its going well for me! Hopefully it'll get even better when I get that haircut on saturday and a new blog skin!!

Ta~

drained.

From too much sorting.. brain dead....
 
From too much needing... Irritated...
 
Lack of Slack.
 
Good nite.
 

Is this a Dream.... or matter of fact?

Walking After You ~ Foo Fighters 

Tonight I'm tangled in my
Blanket of clouds
Dreaming aloud
 
Things just won't do without you
Matter of fact
I'm on your back
 
If you'd accept surrender
I'll give up some more
Weren't you adored?
 
I cannot be without you                   
Matter of fact
I'm on your back
 
If you walk out on me
I'm walking after you                   
If you walk out on me
I'm walking after you
 
Another heart is cracked
In two
I'm on your back