2005 The Year in Review

Not.

Don't think its time yet.

How does one dislike home so much and still stick around? Hypocrisy?

go figure

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is 100%. You are not suited for a monogamous relationship. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

The Magic Numbers

I See You You See Me

I never thought I could love you, but that's okay
I always knew that you'd leave me anyway
But darling when I see you, I see me
I asked the boys if they'd let me go out and play
They always said that you'd hurt me anyway
But darling when I see you, I see me

And it's alright, I never thought I'd fall in love again
It's alright, I look to you as my only friend
It's alright I never thought that I could feel this something, rising rising in my veins
Looks like it's happened again

I never thought that you wanted for me to stay
So I left you with the girls that came your way
And darling when I see you I see me
I often thought that you'd be better off left alone
Why throw a circle round a man with broken bones?
But darling when I see you I see me

But it's alright, I never thought I'd fall in love again
It's alright, I look to you as my only friend
It's alright I never thought that I could feel this something, rising rising in my veins
Looks like it's happened again

You always looked like you had something else on your mind
When I try to tell you you tell me never mind
And darling when I see you, you see me
I wanna tell you that I never loved anyone else
You wanna tell me that you're better off by yourself
But darling when I see you, you see me

Oh-ooh ooh oh-ooh...
This is not what I'm like, this is not what I do
This is not what I'm like, I think i'm falling for you
This is not what I'm like, this is not what I do
This is not what I'm like, I think i'm falling for you

This is not what I'm like, this is not what I do
This is not what I'm like, I think i'm falling for you
This is not what I'm like, this is not what I do
This is not what I'm like, I think i'm falling for you

I never thought
I never thought
I never thought
I never thought

I never thought that I could feel this something
Rising rising in my veins, and it looks like
I feel this something rising rising in my veins
Looks like it's happened again

aday

a day of reminiscence

a night of excitement and losing oneself

a dark, sultry morning

I go to sleep

Takeaways

If there's nothing else that I've learnt through this experience that are important, its these two things:

1 - there are many things that i do not want to know. Ignorance is bliss and denial rocks.

2 - i have not the strength to push for changes that are not wanted. there is no way to win against rationality and measured, balanced arguments that present both sides of the story in equal amounts. my reaction is destructive to too much.

so it will be as such. no more. this is the end.

no wonder singaporeans lead such a happy life.

I protest the hanging of drug traffickers.

Anger? Disappointment? Exasperation? I dont know what it is but i NEVER want to feel that way again. I hope it was for the sake of argument. Please dont say its something you believe in because it is not something I can live with.

It is not naievety. I refuse to believe that it is foolish idealism.

Drug Traffickers are NOT murderers.
They are not soley responsible for the social problems associated with drug consumption.
If you want to hang them, then its only fair to hang the consumers too. Why should they be given a second chance?
We should not condone drug trafficking but the punishment should be fair.

Capital punishment for drug trafficking is NOT FAIR.

This started off as a response to a comment...

hmm.. abit disappointed here.. if Dr Chee doesnt call for international support, who can he call on? Singaporeans? Opps, did i just hear a fart? the very fact of the matter is that Singaporeans are ok with the death penalty either because they dont give squat or because they think its never gonna happen to them. Thats why they can just suck up the propoganda about sovereignty (how many people really understand this word) and how its a deterrent? how many have read reports that prove this right or wrong? Not enough. there is no "WE" here. What is here are moral sluts who will adopt whatever set of values is most beneficial to them. Trafficking drugs is NOT the same as a murderer. drug addicts choose to take drugs, bomb blast victims dont choose to die. if drug pushers should be sentenced to death, so should teachers coz they rob us of the ability to think. and they dont even get you high.

Nguyen should not be pardoned. The Law should be changed. But it ain't never gonna be a Singaporean who does it.

7.22am

It was chilly, slow, refreshing, comforting. Like Leeds.

Pink Floyd

Wish You Were Here
So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,
blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail? A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

And did they get you trade your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees? Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change? And did you exchange
a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
running over the same old ground. What have we found?
The same old fears,
wish you were here.

'papa was a rollin stone.. wherever he laid his hat was home..'

saw my ideal apartment, cheesy romantic movie, comepletely lost control.

now.

stop.

what's real?

hmm.

Funny how i'm more upset with them losing than i'm happy with them winning.

No Kidding.

Jasmine, you're an Indulgent Eater

You, more than others, truly gain satisfaction from eating. And because of this, you sometimes have difficulty slowing down or just saying no. You enjoy eating and what's great about that is you understand how to appreciate certain aspects of food that others do not. You see food as more than just a source of nutrition or energy. For you, dining, or just plain eating, can be a really enjoyable experience. On the downside, however, you might sometimes indulge too much in the satisfaction you get from eating.

up

the wind, chillingly rouses.
thoughts slide, one to another
in the way of comfort

'if you are unable to fall asleep in 15 mins, get up and do something quiet.'

seeing as i'm not supposed to do anything bright coz it prevents sleeping, i'm gonna type this with my eyes closed. will edit typos at the end.

so. what do you do when you realise whats wrong. when for some reaon, it has finally sunk in. two things - you change, because that is what is expected. or you go on as before, because perhaps that is who you truly are. i mean.. you wouldn't have been that way for no reason right?

i know if someone told me that i should change because it makes things better and because it makes me better, instinctively, i would ask - but that isnt me is it? i am the way i am because thats the way i am. so why should i change? because it makes me better? why doesn't it fly with me then? too afraid to lose myself? but why? there never was a me anyway.

thats just me i guess. ornery me. cannot live happily. cannot agree with anything. rebel without a cause.

there's just no satisfying.

or maybe i'm just too scared to try to prove anything to anyone coz i'm too fucking scared that i'll end up proving to myself that i'll never make it. fear of failure. becaue i am the way i am and thats me. its never gonna change. now how do you fight that?

can

think

believe

do

make change

Thought of the day

When you've spent your whole life needing to find perfection, knowing that nothing else will do, you might realize one day that there will never be a second best. Settling is no longer something you will not do, but cannot do.

And when that day comes, you will be the saddest person on earth because there is no such thing as perfection.

And since there is no second best, you will have nothing.

Will you settle now?

I'll never find..

Candy in my pocket... i dont wear pockets anymore

I'll never find...

Old songs that sneak up on you and leaves you with a small smile

You are far, when I could have been your star

You listened to people Who scared you to death, and from my heart

Strange that you were strong enough

To even make a start

But you'll never find peace of mind

Till you listen to your heart
People, you can never change the way they feel

Better let them do just what they will

For they will, If you let them

Steal your heart from you People,Will always make a lover feel a fool

But you knew I loved you We could have shown them all

We should have seen love through
Fooled me with the tears in your eyes

Covered me with kisses and lies So good-bye, but please don't take my heart

You are far, I'm never gonna be your star

I'll pick up the pieces and mend my heart

Maybe I'll be strong enough, I don't know where to start

But I'll never find peace of mind, while I listen to my heart

People, you can never change the way they feel

Better let them do just what they will

For they will,

If you let them, steal your heart

And people, will always make a lover feel a fool

But you knew I loved you, We could have shown them all

We should have seen love through
But remember this, every other kiss, That you ever give, long as we both live

When you need the hand of another man

One you really can surrender with

I will wait for you, like I always do

There's something there, that can't compare

With any other

You are far

When I could have been your star

You listened to people

Who scared you to death, and from my heartS

trange that I was wrong enough

To think you'd love me too.

I guess you were kissing a fool

You must have been kissing a fool

-George Michael

Best

2024 is real. is true.

Oh boy.

Oh boy.

Happy

I'd rather dance with you than talk with you, so why don't we just move into the other room. There's space for us to shake, and 'hey, I like this tune'. Even if I could hear what you said, I doubt my reply would be interesting for you to hear. Because I haven't read a single book all year, and the only film I saw, I didn't like it at all. I'd rather dance than talk with you.The music's too loud and the noise from the crowd increases the chance of misinterpretation. So let your hips do the talking. I'll make you laugh by acting like the guy who sings, and you'll make me smile by really getting into the swing. I'd rather dance than talk with you.
Smile

TKOC